What the F*ck is Absinthe?

Daily Blend, Lifestyles, Culture & Inspiration, Partying, Sex & Booze | Chris Platis | May 27, 2011 at 7:46 am

Photo by: Jeff Palacios

You may have seen it in Eurotrip or met a guy who claimed to have befriended the Keebler Elves during a long night of drinking the stuff, but what the fuck is absinthe exactly? Rumored to drive you nuts, antifreeze green in color and infamously outlawed, absinthe is a glowing bottle of adventure, waiting to impart its magic on those unafraid of a little crazy. Call out of work tomorrow and let OTP acquaint you with this lime green underground booze queen.

brief What the F*ck is Absinthe? Created in Switzerland during the late 1700s, Absinthe was originally intended to be medicine. In 19th century France, it was determined to cure nothing but sanity. Artists and writers began compulsively indulging in this hallucinogenic substance, later named “the green fairy.” Heavyweight bohemian homeboys like Pablo Picasso, Oscar Wilde and Vincent Van Gogh openly chugged the stuff, claiming it opened new passageways in their kooky heads. Wilde publicly wondered “what difference is there between a glass of absinthe and a sunset,” believing that both equally freed the creative process of the mind. Van Gogh, the most notorious absinthe drinker of all time, often incorporated the drink’s colors or his favorite absinthe bar into his paintings. Brilliant as he was, keep in mind the guy did cut off his own ear and while absinthe can’t be held entirely responsible, we’re sure it nudged him in the ear-removal direction. Aside from the Gogh, by 1860, the French were sipping so much that 5 P.M. became national “green hour.” Just when everyone got good and psychotic, the plug was pulled. In 1915, absinthe was deemed dangerous and classified as an addictive psychoactive drug. Nearly a century later, the green fairy is legally back, but now with a set of fun-sucking restrictions.

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The holy trinity of ingredients that set absinthe apart from other drinks are anise, fennel and, most importantly, wormwood. Drowned in a ridiculously high alcohol content (usually around 70%), these herbs are crucial to the characteristics of the drink. Anise and fennel are responsible for the unique colors (typically green, sometimes white or blue) and the heavy licorice flavor that’ll scrunch your face à la Renée Zellweger. But it’s the wormwood (scientifically named: artemisia absinthium) that give name and notoriety to absinthe. Wormwood contains the chemical thujone which jingles around your brain receptors creating those lovable psychedelic effects and putting absinthe in a realm with peyote and shrooms. Different absinthes contain different forms of wormwood, with varying levels of thujone. Potent wormwood will make your once-cool Four Loko blackouts seem like a typical day at the office.

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Absinthe is not to be chased by Gatorade or diluted into a bottle of Coke (no offense Jack Daniels). Drinking it straight up is do-able, but lacks finesse. The French classic ritual is the way to go. Here’s how: pour a small amount of absinthe into a glass and place a slotted spoon over the glass with a sugar cube directly on top. Slowly pour ice water onto the sugar cube until it has dissolved entirely into the absinthe in a process called louching (pronounced like, but not to be confused with, douching). Louching your absinthe turns the drink from a transparent to a foggy green. To take your cool further, douse your sugar cube with some more absinthe and light it on fire before putting it out with the ice water. The louching process remains the same, except now there are flames in your face.

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Thankfully, absinthe is now legal in most countries. Cramping its original style, many countries enforce regulations on thujone content. In the U.S., the FDA (the same nazi’s that sterilize our cheese) requires that any legally sold absinthe be thujone-free (which actually means there can be 10ppm of thujone in the substance) Internationally, there are still many different forms of absinthe available, with secret stash bottles from the pre-prohibition era (loaded with all the thujone your sane mind can handle) still lingering in the dark crevices of the world. Check out allthingsabsinthe.com to see how different countries regulate absinthe production and sale.

get What the F*ck is Absinthe? When purchasing, first make sure your shit is distilled and not mixed. Second, wherever you are–liquor store, back-alley or bar–inquire about the ingredients. Pay close attention to the type of wormwood and level of thujone. Alcohol proof is your last purchasing element, and an area you should be familiar with. Higher alcohol content will enhance your experience by leaving you happily drunk after the euphoria from the thujone wears off (which it eventually does). So go ahead and grab that 160 proof, now’s not the time to be bashful.

Absinthe is a historical spirit that inspired the creative flow of many artists and literary geniuses. Whether partying out with friends or louching in the comfort of your home, free your mind and let it fully embrace this almost ancient form of psycho-therapy. Just stay away from your ears; they’re supposed to be attached, both of them.