Confessions from Abroad: English Breakfast with a Side of Slutty
By: The Essex Town Pillager
Long story short, I meet this cute English girl while partying in London and she wants to bring me home. She said she lived close, so I didn’t think twice about hopping in the car. Off we went to no other than Essex (the New Jersey of the UK). An hour’s estimate was a bit modest, but at that time it didn’t matter for she was keeping me occupied by giving me a taste of what the night had in store. I was extremely excited with the unexpected excursion, and of course, my hopes to score. Things got weird after the ride came to an end because she brought me into her home where I suddenly found out her roommates were actually her parents and a teenage brother!
The getting laid part was nice except for her trying to get me to choke and gag her. But, given the circumstances with the “roommates”, I saw the necessity in keeping her mouth shut. Things got even weirder in the morning when she woke me up, insisting that I come down for an English breakfast with the family. Apparently, she told her mom and dad that I was a friend from “Uni,” from a couple years back, and wanted me to play along.
I stuck to the cover story. It was definitely worth the free breakfast, and honestly, I didn’t feel like finding out about her father’s weapon collection. I played along until the cab arrived to take me back to the train. After I said my farewell to the family, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said “nice meeting you” just before I hopped into the cab. The look of disbelief on her parents’ faces was priceless and the whole excursion was well worth educating some Essex parents that the daughter was a slut.
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