OTP’s Guide to Massage Parlors and Other Happy Endings in South Korea
Photo by: Yuki South Korea
Judging by the number of massage parlors in the country, you might assume South Koreans are very tense people. In reality, based on what actually happens in these places, these guys might be the most relaxed people on the planet. With so many extra services offered on the menu, in addition to the standard shiatsu, these massage parlors offer more happy endings than Disney. Work out your kinks in South Korea with OTP’s guide to massage parlors and other sneaky places.
Photo by: o5com
If you’re flush with cash and chasing some hot Korean ass, get yourself to a massage parlor. These handy establishments have been springing up across South Korea for over a century and while there are certainly a few legit places that offer a rub without the tug, they are few and far between. Although prostitution of any kind is illegal throughout Korea, the rules are loosely enforced. It’s commonplace for businessmen to get a massage with colleagues after work giving “happy hour” a whole new meaning.
School is in Session
In an attempt to tighten their grip, the Korean government passed a Special Law on Prostitution in 2004. The number of convictions has risen steadily each year, resulting in a reform program known as “John School”–where offenders avoid criminal prosecution by attending a class on prostitution (like dirty traffic school). If you’re worried about getting caught with your pants down, it’s highly unlikely that the police will interrupt your happy ending and if they do, a slap on the wrist and a fine is usually the outcome.
Evading the legislation has birthed a new breed of interesting ways to get off in South Korea. Now, even a trip to a karaoke bar, barbershop or restaurant often comes with added benefits. All of these seemingly innocent businesses can be alternative fronts for extremely non-innocent behavior. Prepare a love song before you go to the karaoke bar– just in case.
Got Milf and looking to get frisky with Korean housewives on a budget? Barbershops in South Korea are identified just like back home–with a swirling, red and white candy-striped pole. However, don’t plan on getting a single hair cut if you see a shop with two poles–the cuts and blows happening at these places are of a different variety. Barbershop loving will generally come from a 30-50 year old woman who’s been slammed more times than a taxi door and five knuckle shuffles run about $60. If cougar hunting is not your game, stick to the massage parlors where the girls are younger, but plan on spending more dough.
Does forking over $100 for a massage put your nerves in knots? There is a budget conscious alternative known as a “doll house.” Here, for $20, you’ll get a room complete with lube, streaming, hard-core, anime-style porn and the 60-minute rental of an inflated, rubber doll. No tips, no drinks and no small talk necessary! The Korean authorities are currently probing whether or not this breaks their Special Law on Prostitution – but for now, porking that plastic piñata is very legal.
If you do decide to get your “hair cut,” or “sing a song” in a karaoke bar, exercise caution. Sex education in South Korea is almost non-existent and therefore condom usage is extremely low. Herpes and HIV are on the rise. So, make sure to wrap it up 100% of the time; you don’t want to be bringing home genital death from your trip. Plus, isn’t that friction burn from filling Suzie-the-inflatable doll with two pumps of love more than enough to deal with?
*South Korea is a destination country for child sex tourism and sex labor exploitations, where women and girls from Russia, China and several other countries are promised work and then forced into the sex industry. This doesn’t mean every massage lady is there against her will; some view this line of [lucrative] work as legit business. This does mean you should use some common sense to weed out shady situations and avoid supporting an establishment that promotes blatant breeches of human rights.
Johnny left Ireland after graduating in 2006 and has been on the road since. Backpacking, studying and working in more than 50 countries around the world. Living the dream and convincing you to do the same.
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