How to Properly Insult People Around the World
While violence is never the answer, sometimes it’s nice to know some regionally-specific revenge tactics in case someone pisses you off past the point of ignoring it. As such, we give you the following ways to insult people around the world. Use these how you see fit; just don’t be a dick for no reason. Deal?
If you’re looking to sever ties with your new Russian bestie, refuse an offered vodka shot. Watch your friendship disappear faster than a bottle of Stolichnaya, since there is no excuse not to drink vodka once it has been opened– not even if you claim to be a recovering alcoholic or have that Asian gene-deficiency thing. Don’t think about mixing that Stoli with cranberry, or nursing it like a little girl–toast and shoot that fire water, or risk a stare from your host icier than the Cold War.
OTP Tip: So, you accidentally picked up a Russian girlfriend. Not ready to commit and unable to communicate in Ruski? Gift her a yellow rose bouquet. Yellow symbolizes friendship in Russia. She’ll get the drift–just watch your back for her disgruntled father.
China
You’ve been chatting up your Chinese, English language students over yum cha after class and one starts giving you the googly eyes. Avoid an awkward situation by waving your chopsticks around or stabbing your food with the end of the stick. Your poor chopstick etiquette will be acknowledged with polite waves goodbye.
China isn’t the only Asian nation with a food complex. When the Japanese are getting up in your kimono, use your secret weapon (chopsticks, again) to restock your rice from the traditional shared bowls, without using the opposite end. Similar to Superbowl salsa, nothing says you’re a prick more than double-dipping.
OTP Tip: Did someone eat your clearly-labeled yogurt in the hostel fridge? In this mysterious land of devotion, gifting a knife is the best revenge, as it signifies death.
If you’re looking to make enough enemies to fill Angkor Wat, yelling or criticizing anyone in public while pointing with your index finger will do the trick. Both actions are blatantly disrespectful, as is touching anyone on the head, which is considered the most sacred part of the body.
England
Last night’s pub hook-up has invited you to her mum and dad’s estate for a formal dinner. Once you realize that muttonchops and measly mash are the main course, your stomach needs a way out of another invite. Head out for a drag of a fag (cigarette) before the Loyal Toast, and you’ll be offending the Queen herself. Skipping out on toasting Her Majesty’s health will get your wanker-ass booted in time for happy hour.
Middle East
If you’re after a story to send home (possibly hand-written from a jail cell), get yourself listed as an official hooligan by begging for booze in strict Middle Eastern countries. Alcohol, while not prohibited everywhere, is often not for public consumption and at your host’s discretion.
Feel like getting your hands dirty in the cleanest country in the world? Drop a piece of gum on the ground in Singapore. Chewing gum is illegal in town (as is porn), so unless you’re planning on making friends with the local law enforcement– no sticky business.
Germany
Screw up a business deal in Deutschland by arriving late to the meeting. Although not all Germans adhere to the timely stereotype, punctuality is key when it comes to making a good impression.
Non-verbal fuck yous can be strategically used to your advantage. On the flip-side, looking like a dumbass is pretty easy if you’re oblivious of what other cultures find offensive. Learn to insult with intent.
I am female, 25 year old and a mix super Soviet ethnicities. I have a little brother who is my motivation, inspiration and partner in crime.
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